someone owes me an orgasm
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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