Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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