I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
