you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Slut skills are useful in every country.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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