im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
