the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
