I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
