At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dignity is for republicans.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You need a sexual gate keeper
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
