My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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