Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i now understand why vodka
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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