How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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