She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
