The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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