3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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