I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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