that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize