also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
