I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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