Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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