Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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