In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
two words...techno handjob
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
