I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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