i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize