The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
