so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
