Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
