I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
