oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Semen is not good for contacts.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
