Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think my tv is drunk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
