The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
