Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
