You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
