just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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