I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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