It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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