Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
