...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
