Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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