yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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