I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
