I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I could fuck to npr.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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