Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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