She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
