why didn't you poke me back
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
