My friends, they love my intelligence
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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