HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
