His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
