Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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