my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
