That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
