if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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