paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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