Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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