I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's official drugs can't kill me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
