I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize