ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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