all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
