I love black thongs
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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