My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
