i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
