O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
