Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize