Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
