someone threw a dead crab at me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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