How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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