I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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