Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
